Archive for September, 2011

An Ode to Nintendo Power

Don’t get your hopes up, Dear Reader. The Zelda nonsense will be back in full force once I finish the crimson half of the Oracle series.

During the halcyon days of print media, the newsstand was lousy with videogaming publications. From Bill Kunkel’s Electronic Games (God rest his soul), to the studied, in-depth Next Generation; from the mainstream’s Electronic Gaming Monthly to the dual paste eaters that were GamePro and GameInformer, we’ve had magazines catered to every videogamer’s taste.

But none quite had the sizable cult that Nintendo Power has endured throughout the years.

The origins of Nintendo Power can be traced back to two sources; the Nintendo Fun Club and The Official Nintendo Player’s Guide. The former was a free newsletter sent out to new owners of the NES that mostly erred on the side of advertisements for new games than tips and tricks proper. Strangely enough, that was reciprocated in Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out!!, where Doc told gamers to subscribe to the Nintendo Fun Club.

The latter, however, was a behemoth of exhaustive guides and walkthroughs for about twenty of Nintendo’s better early games. Games like Metroid and The Goonies II were given the white glove treatment with full colored maps (scrawled in what looked like art pens and markers). I find it difficult to relate just how essential this black tome was to a videogamer of that era, but hopefully anyone who’s lost their head in Kid Icarus’ obnoxious last dungeon can sympathize. The writing was a bit poor (pot to kettle, pot to kettle…), clarified by the fact that the masthead contained nothing but Japanese names.

The back of the Player’s Guide featured a quick writeup of every game released on the NES up to that point with a preview of things to come. It’s interesting to note (at least for losers like us) that the guide was being written while Nintendo was preparing to bring Zelda II stateside, as the box art was just doodled in. Also, in the preview section, an unreleased sequel called Return of Donkey Kong was mentioned.

I can’t leave the Player’s Guide alone without featuring this awesome photo in the back of the book. I want to live in that photo.

So, born of these efforts to inform players of games to buy and how to beat them so you can buy more came the inaugural edition of Nintendo Power, sent out to any child smart enough to send in for the newsletter, and on the front, splayed in clay was Super Mario Bros. 2. Ho-lee-shee-it. No longer were children content to read 3-2-1 Contact and Highlights if they wanted something to flip through at the newsstand. Nintendo Power was actually interesting!

The magazine was lousy with everything Nintendo. Within the first few pages was a letters section, where children and sad grown men with mustaches could send in photos of themselves, posing next to a Zenith strobing a faint image of Mario. There was a section where equally sad grown men and women (called “Counselors” to save face) gave tips to little Jimmy on how to defeat Medusa in Castlevania. And of course, the standard high score tables, brief walkthroughs and previews of upcoming games.

In hindsight, it’s easy to see the huge bias Nintendo had slanted in its favor; Nintendo Power was a 30+ page advertisement for its wares, and everything got the red carpet treatment. Even the worst game got some sort of attention, and though they never slammed them directly, you could always tell in reading the reviews that they at least wanted to you purchase ten copies of it. But like a puppy with a bladder control problem, or your octogenarian father with the same affliction, it’s easy to overlook this relentless gushing.

In honor of this great/”great” magazine, I’d like to present some of the more memorable moments of its history.

Now, I wouldn’t say that in the early days of NP, the whole thing was thrown together, but the art direction was a little blinding at times. Bright neon colors and creatures with phallic probosces teemed the pages. And although this sounds pedantic, as a kid I distinctly remembered charting the colors of Mario’s clothing throughout the magazine to make sure I wasn’t crazy and that he did have a blue hat at some point.

I’d say Mega Man bore the brunt the largest of Nintendo’s wonky artists. I got the clear impression that both Nintendo and Capcom were leery in revealing the Blue Bomber’s Astro Boy influenced origins, judging by their Americanized* efforts. So as a result, we got this:

And this:

And oh dear God, this:

Thank God the games were fantastic otherwise, cause I can’t imagine anyone buying this in the hopes of controlling a blue cybernetic dwarf with pretty boy lips and Down’s.

To be honest, that first cover I still think looks pretty boss, regardless of Mega Man’s Elephant Man appearance.

Hey, there’s a Robot Master for you, Capcom!

…oh wait, it’s been done.

A lot of the covers were really imaginative. Take the Ducktales cover for example. Can you imagine any magazine in this day and age using their time and resources to come up with anything half as clever as this? A seamless integration of clay models, traditional cel-art and gorgeous lighting.

I think I chubbed up there for a second.

In the early years (at least up through the SNES days), NP would included a folded two-age poster in the centerfold. Yes RBI Baseball fans, you can now impress your friends by plastering this goofy poster in your 80s cool guy room. Still, it could be worse. You could’ve had a poster of Jar Jar Binks reading RollingStone on your wall for months, until you saw the movie and had to shamefully remove it, denying that it ever existed to your friends.

Thanks a fucking lot, RollingStone.

This one is just hilarious. For Nintendo Power’s second issue, the cover story was Castlevania II. Just check out how they decided to advertise it on the cover.

Yessir, that’s Simon Belmont holding Dracula’s possessed severed head in his hand behind the creepiest backdrop this side of western Nevada. Unsurprisingly, Nintendo Power received a load of calls from angry parents about it. Hey, this is what happens when you forget your target audience is children from ages 4 to 30. Remember that.

Incidentally, there was a website that used to sell a t-shirt of this famed cover printed on the front, but the last time I visited, the sizes were – ironically – limited to XXL. As soon as they start selling this shirt in sizes I can wear, I’ll link them, but until then, nada. This is the power I wield with an expendable WordPress blog…

Steve Wozniak, he of glorious Apple ][ fame was a HUGE Tetris player, and would send in his high scores every month. The editors eventually grew tired of this, and stopped printing his scores. Steve did what any engineering genius would do and reverse engineered his name. I can’t find the issue it happens, but they did print a high score for a Mr. Evets Kainzow. Woz, you genius.

Speaking of C-list celebrities, Nintendo Power would routinely feature celebrity videogamer profiles every month. In hindsight, it’s sort of funny to see the winners they picked at the time.

Kirk Cameron

Once the star of the flaccid sitcom “Growing Pains”, later went insane when he found God and started using bananas to contest Charles Darwin’s theory of evolution.

Favorite games: Rygar, Super Mario Bros., Legend of Zelda, Gradius, Pinball

Jay Leno

At the time a successful comedian before he screwed over not one but TWO inheritors to the “Tonight Show” throne, earning him a rightful place in Hollywood Hell. Counts millionaire headcase Jerry Seinfeld as one of his allies.

Favorite games: Legend of Zelda, Contra

New Kids on the Block


Favorite games: EUUGH

Wil Wheaton

This former child actor broke free of the shackles of playing a much-maligned know-it-all on “Star Trek: The Next Generation” to become King of the Nerds! He seems like a pretty nice guy by all accounts.

Favorite Games Favorite Game: Ice Hockey

“Howard and Nester” is probably the most remembered feature of Nintendo Power. Every issue would feature a comic adventure with the two taking part in games Nintendo really wanted to push at the time. The eponymous Howard was one of Nintendo Power‘s editors and chief gamemaster and would serve as a comic foil to the brash radish-headed Nester. A typical comic would involve the two embroiled in some game fantasy, where Nester would ignore Howard’s advice and bash his skull into a brick ceiling and things of that sort. The artwork was really fantastic, with well done watercolors and a clean style. Unfortunately, at some point they dropped the original artist and replaced them with some hack who apparently had a background in illustrating school books.

Ooh, Annie, where’d you go, baby? I’m guessing the reason Annie never appeared in any of the strips proper was that having two people take the wind out of Nester’s sail in every issue was a bit much.

Around the late 1980’s, RPGs had become a HUGE success in Japan, thanks to its progenitor, Dragon Quest. Nintendo was very keen on repeating that success and creating future business in that genre with a much larger American audience. So for what seemed like ages, Nintendo Power prominently displayed their newly translated version of Dragon Quest, now called Dragon Warrior in their magazine. There were features that explained, in the most simplest of terms what an RPG was, and how you were supposed to play, with maps and detailed enemy charts.

The art was thankfully westernized from Akira Torionlydrawsangryeyesbigforeheadsandusestoomanylines’s God awful designs. Just look at the Dragon Lord in OUR copy of Dragon Warrior. You’re telling me Akira’s version is better? Fuck you! Everything he draws ends up looking like Goku, anyway…

Unfortunately, sales for Dragon Warrior were a smidge underwhelming. I surmise the reasons being that, again Nintendo was short sighted in realizing its audience were primarily grade school tots who couldn’t read, let alone read ye olde English and the steep learning curve in what amounted to a graphic version of a pen-and-paper RPG. I give them credit though. They did introduce the RPG to western audiences pretty well. When they realized how much backstock of Dragon Warrior they had, Nintendo promised new subscribers to their magazine ONE FREE COPY! Presumably, they ran through their stock and gained new readers in the process.

Incidentally, this is how I managed to finagle a copy of Dragon Warrior. I was about five at the time, barely able to read, and absolutely mystified by a videogame that would deny me my God given right to play it. This and Faxanadu were games that I was more-or-less not allowed to play because I didn’t know what the hell was going on. Mario and Zelda were more my bag. But being somewhat discouraged from these games at an early age really rekindled my interest, and twenty years later, I finally finished Dragon Warrior on an actual NES… clone.

Jesus what a slog…

I’ve polled friends and they all seem to agree that this was probably the freakiest advertisement they ever used in the magazine. Remember, I had trouble separating a Tetris 2 commercial from reality, how do you think I reacted to this?

The magazine went through many transmutations, and starting with the SNES era, just didn’t seem the same. Once all the game publishers saw the crappy artwork Nintendo was using to promote their games, they started hiring their own art staff to sell their games. Gone was Howard and Nester. Well, first Howard when he left for LucasArts, then Nester when readers realized how lame he was without his bowtie counterpoint. That certain kitschy (I use that word too much on this site) 80’s kid’s magazine style left as the magazine became more contemporary.

For whatever reason, the magazine got a second wind during the N64 era, possibly thanks to the advent of the Internet at the time. I can’t really explain it, but the N64 issues seemed as sweet at those first ones.

They also started issuing out some sweet swag at the time. Nintendo would routinely send out promo tapes for its biggest releases. By now, I’m sure you’ve seen them all through viral videos on the YouTube. By far the best one is the Banjo-Kazooie promo tape. Nintendo hired actor/comedian/film critiiiIIIIC! Jon Lovitz to narrate, and it’s pure bliss.

Now, I actually have a piece of art that I sent in to Nintendo Power that was published. I was reading the latest issue at the time, saw the artwork and for the next five minutes, couldn’t shake the strange sense of Deja Vu I was feeling, until it hit me. Really speaks volumes about how dense I can be. I won’t say what issue or even what era. I’ll invite you, Dear Reader to find it and report back, for a prize!**

In recent years, Nintendo Power nearly gave up the ghost, but thankfully, it was rescued by Future US publishing. The writing and layout is more contemporary, influenced by the Internet’s unrelenting diction. There’s still the classic Nintendo bias, but it’s toned down significantly and reads more like EGM-lite I suppose. I’d recommend it, not just because magazines – let alone gaming magazines – are having trouble keeping footing in this world, but because Nintendo Power just needs to be around. It’s one of those constants that, without, would throw the world’s chi out of whack.

God bless you Nintendo Power!

*”Americanized” means “shitty”

**Prize will not be good


A Complete Unnerving Breakdown of the Nintendo 3DS Conference 2011

Look at us, Dear Reader! tele-Games 2600 has entered the 21st century by talking about new games! I just watched the Nintendo 3DS Conference streamed online, and am here to report back (drunkenly I might add).

* The conference starts with a Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword trailer. Link’s hair looks like Jell-O and suddenly I am hungry for Cosby’s favorite confectionery. Link tries to kill himself by diving off a mountaintop but is saved by a bird.

* Shigeru Miyamoto takes the stage wielding a Master Sword and Hyrulian Shield. Enough with the Zelda schtick Miyamoto.

* A goofy Zelda flipnote cartoon is played. A Wind Waker-esque Link and Twilight Princess-styled Link switch heads, terrifying Zelda.

* Is this Four Swords on DSi? I’m sorry, I can’t understand the Spanish everyone is speaking. I understand the word “DSi” and “motototototo.” We see four Links flailing around a bunch of places, including worlds with graphics directly ripped from The Legend of Zelda, Link to the Past and Link’s Awakening. Sweet action!

* At this point, I’m wondering where Miyamoto got his shirt. Old Navy?

* More Skyward Sword goodness! Link swings on a vine ala Donkey Kong 64, and slashes a chubby Moblin in the ass. We see him doodling on a board for a puzzle, using a hookshot, a gust jar and a mine cart. I don’t know if I can take a Zelda game where Link is always holding his sword like a kid with a sparkler on July 4th…

The art style is something I’m not entirely on board with. The character designs are a funky combination of Wind Waker and Twilight Princess.

Link flies around a malevolent looking Wind Fish, runs under a firey Tektite and does battle with a Cousin Itt looking colossus.

* Miyamoto sheathes his remote, while yelling “Jaggit!” I guess that translates to “I stabbed my back.”

* Satoru Iwata comes out and promptly apologizes for everything in the last 6th months.

* After briefly touching on the Dragon Quest remake, Iwata talks about Just Dance Wii. Was anyone really looking forward to this? He also brings up Go Vacation, which he says will outsell Zelda 10 to 1.

* Iwata shows the impressive lineup, of which I already have 20%. Nice try.

* Ah, and now to the meat of the show. Iwata shows a graph that I don’t understand, I guess to explain how useless the 3D function is.

* Hey, there’s an Oxford Dictionary word I can translate: Mii!

* We see some gameplay of what Iwata calls Super Mario 3D Lando. No Billy Dee to be found, I’m afraid. It looks like a neat title. The spiked columns from Super Mario World are back, jutting towards the screen.

* Now we’re on to Mario Kart 7. Jesus, this series was already perfected on the regular DS. No amount of underwater ATV hang-glider bullshit will make this series any more fresh.

* Mario Tennis? Screw this, where’s Mario Golf? Toadstool Tour was the money. And really, did we need an update to this? The game hasn’t changed since the Virtual Boy!

* Paper Mario. Looks like Paper Mario.

* A Luigi’s Mansion 2 trailer! Gee, has it been ten years since I stopped giving a shit about the first one?!

* Another Mario & Sonic game. You know, when I was a tyke in the 90s and dreamed of the crossovers these two would have, games involving sumowrestling and POWER WALKING weren’t at the top of my list.

* Alright, I don’t understand this next part, but we’re treated to a montage of a married couple in Mii form, running along the beach and doing other stuff. They keep showing photos of their Mii heads pasted on normal people’s bodies and it’s just creeping me out.



…I’ll take ten.

* Girls Mode!? I was waiting so long for this! Now I can dress my girly avatars in kimonos and shirts from the GAP.

* Next up is a 16-bit looking soccer game. This looks all kinds of sweet. I don’t know the name, because I had to refresh my browser and because I can’t read Japanese.

* A card game video game. Can anyone tell me the appeal of these games without accidentally using the words “dateless” and “loser?”

* A new Fire Emblem game: Well, I’m glad THIS is thriving in our market while the Mother series remains relegated to Japan. This is the lamest magic bean you’ve bought yet, NOA…

* I THINK this is Dynasty Warriors, but again I can’t read Japanese. Music was pretty boss through.

* Iwata, after being shamed by the 3DS lineup, walks offstage while a Square-Enix trailer plays. It’s called Bravely Default: Flying Fairy. I dare them to release that game with that name over here.

* Next game looks like a Gundam game. *shrug*

* Project Mirai. Sort of like DDR with a circular button pressing thing and a cutesy dwarf. Watching Iwata talk about this is embarrassing for both of us.

* Sweet, Resident Evil! This is a series I can jive with. Underwater swimming, cool looking zombies.

* Ace Combat 3D Cross Rumble. Again, I don’t understand Japanese, but I do hear him say “StarFox,” possibly in comparison to how bad Ace Combat is.

* Tekken 3D Prime Edition. Sweet, the 90s are back!

* Theatrhythm Final Fantasy. We don’t get to see any gameplay from this, but once again, I dare them to release this game with that name over here.

* Did Iwata memorize all this shit to say? Even if he’s reading from a teleprompter he’s doing an excellent job. Then again, I don’t understand a word he’s saying so for all I know, he’s making it up.

* Konami’s opening salvo is the hotly anticipated New LovePlus! SOLD!

* Metal Gear Solid 3D: Snake Eater. I played the original but not long enough to eat any snakes, so I dunno…

* Kid Icarus. This one’s been in development since the Bush Jr. era, I swear. It’s odd seeing Icarus in a Panzer Dragoon/StarFox kind of game, after playing the hell out of the original in my heyday.

* I think Iwata is nearly finished talking about his giant 3D boner. He gives a wave and walks off-screen.

Nope, spoke too soon.

* Next up is Monster Hunter 3 Tri G (I think). It looks kinda neat. Big swords, scimitars, guns, giant bows, big baddies.

* Some guy in a white shirt comes out and shakes Iwata’s hand. Forgive me if I don’t recognize the creator of your favorite 3rd party shovelware series…


At this point, I went to take a piss and get more beer. Don’t judge me, you were doing it too.


* Looks like White Shirt is involved in Monster Hunter Tri Quarter 3G Network.

* Iwata shooes him off-stage to our relief. Another Capcom trailer appears. Is it the glorious return of Megaman Legends 3? Nope, it’s just Monster Hunter 4. Jesus, you just got done talking about the 3rd one…

* The audience is getting restless. One person throws his shoe, which Iwata ducks to avoid. He’s been practicing…

* Iwata insults the audience by bowing twice. We see some legalese on the screen and we’re out.

Welp, that turned out to be a complete disappointment. I’m never doing this again. Where’s that stupid stick add-on we’d been hearing about?

The Legend of Zelda: The Minish Cap Ultimate Review

Lawks-a-lawdy, I’m in denial. Summer is already on its way out the door, and with Fall just around the corner (which lasts nine months here in the Pacific Northwest), I can’t help but feel like I’m about to plunge into a dreary hell. You see, I’ve self-diagnosed myself as a chronic sufferer of Season Affective Disorder (ingratiatingly acronymed as SAD. What is this, Get Smart?). I was born in Arizona, raised in California and transplanted in Oregon. To put it bluntly, this plant is rejecting the soil. I can’t take these grey skies and that non-stop rain.

But there is a bright side. It means I get to play all the videogames I should’ve played when they originally came out. And watch college football. Go Ducks.

Things come in twos here at Tele-Games 2600, so to coincide with the recent review of Majora’s Mask, I present to you Dear Reader, a review of The Legend of Zelda: The Minish Cap.

In playing through these Zelda games, I’ve come to realize something about myself. I have a prejudice against the unfamiliar. Yes folks, I’m the reason why there are twenty seven games in the Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater series. Hopefully, you read my review of Majora’s Mask where I admitted my initial disdain towards its selling points. The same thing happened when it was announced that Capcom would take over development of several (!) Zelda games. Hey, Capcom can make a mean Megaman game, but I’m not so sure I want them anywhere near the adventures of my favorite green pygmy, especially if they’re just using the same damn engine Link’s Awakening did nearly a decade ago (it’s even older if you count its Japan-only predecessor For the Frog the Bell Tolls). They didn’t even touch up the Link sprite, for chrissakes! You’ve got the power of the Game Boy Color at your will, you couldn’t add a lighter shade of green so Link didn’t look like shit?

So the Capcom developed Oracle games came out to the usual critical acclaim, and once the Game Boy Advance hit the streets, the same team proved their worth with a port of Link to the Past, thus paving the way for Minish Cap. The big gimmick this time around was that Link could shrink down to the size of an ant for bite-sized dungeon spelunking.

Minish Cap opens with Princess Zelda dragging Link through the Picori Festival in Hyrule Square. At some point, she’s turned to stone by the evil Vaati. This is historic Zelda stuff right here, because at no point during this game does Ganon (or a shadow facsimile) stick his snout in. He’s nowhere to be seen, despite the appearance of Moblins. It’s kind of refreshing.

Even though it’s nice to see a new villain in the mix, Vaati is anything but interesting. He’s just your usual garden variety smirking bad guy, which in my mind seems to be all over youse kidses’ anime cartoons. Unfortunately, Vaati seems to be an influence on Skyward Swords’ stupid chalk faced goon.

Link, despite his better judgment, teams up with a sassy duck hat named Ezlo. He informs Link of the Minish, a species of microscopic elves that live throughout Hyrule. Link is granted the ability to shrink down and panic when so much as a rain drop comes within his vicinity.

Frankly, I’d like to know the mortality rate of these little fucks, cause they are everywhere.

Link is also able to scurry into holes and climb  up chimneys and the like. It’s neat, but doesn’t really add a whole lot to the gameplay. He still does the same hack ‘n slash routine, but instead of Octoroks, he’s battling fruit flies.

In actuality, the biggest addition to the game is the Kinstone sytem. Nintendo really should’ve called this game The Legend of Zelda: Kinstone Kapers, Oh Yeah I Forgot, There’s Also a Shrinking Cap Thing. Throughout the game, Link will collect Kinstones, which are coin halves that once hooked up with someone with the proper half, will produce something fruitful. Usually it’s just a damn treasure chest with rupees or worse yet, a golden enemy that takes a million hits, then just gives you rupees for your trouble anyway. Oftentimes, it’ll trigger important events and super sweet secret finding stuff.

The gameplay is very much like a refined version of Link to the Past. What Minish Cap really brings to the table is a finely polished product with absolute cleverness to its puzzles. I honestly couldn’t believe the ingenuity involved in some of the dungeons, especially for a game banished to being a 2D handheld. The first (out of six) dungeon forces you to navigate a rolling log (not unlike the spinning skeleton castle from Super Castlevania IV). Several dungeons require you to create phantom versions of yourself, all moving in unison to trigger open a door or defeat four enemies at once. One boss requires you to fly around on its back, stabbing its eye whenever it opens. It’s very refreshing from the stock gameplay Nintendo usually imbues in its Zelda games.

I’m sorry to say there is indeed a boss with a disembodied head and hands. Give it up, Nintendo. It wasn’t clever the first hundred times.

The final boss turned out to be a fantastic finale. It was an exhausting and difficult marathon with a lot of neat mechanics (although one was aped wholesale from Donkey Kong 64). Remember when bosses were actually arduous and demanding?

The graphics are largely based off Wind Waker’s bright and chipper art style, which suits me fine cause I liked that game. The animation is gorgeously smooth as well.

The sound design of this game is quite impressive. A lot of the music is remixed from other Zelda games (the mini-boss theme is the battle music in the Japanese version of Zelda II). Any new compositions are catchy and instantly hummable. Most surprising is the reappearance of the Crazy Tracy theme from Link’s Awakening.

Minish Cap really feels like the a love child between Link to the Past and one of my favorites, Link’s Awakening. The gameplay and controls are polished like Link to the Past, but the accoutrement is pure Link’s Awakening. Every character is charming and world is just entrenched with secrets and things to do.

A few things I need to mention:

– The King of Hyrule is in this game! True Zeld-o-philes know that catching the King of Hyrule in a Zelda game is like seeing Bigfoot out in the wild. His first appearance was in Zelda II‘s instruction booklet, and his first appearance in game was as a decayed corpse in Link to the Past. He’s actually a pivotal character in this story instead of the milquetoast role he usually occupies.

Boat version notwithstanding.

– I’m not sure if this is part of some underlying socio-commentary, but for some reason, the cows and pigs in this game wear toupees. And not the subtle kind Kevin Nealon used to sport on SNL, but full-on Trumped out toupees. I can’t quite figure it out. I’ve tried to apply any sort of theory to this, the best of which is that maybe because the pigs in toupees run moneymaking games, that secretly all animals in Hyrule wish to be human.

God, what’s more clinically insane than running a fucking farm where all the cows wear toupees?

– The Seashells from Link’s Awakening return, this time in the form of a currency for a time-wasting figure collecting addendum. It’s pretty much exactly like buying trophies was in Super Smash Bros Melee, but made more tedious because you have to repeatedly run around a shop, pulling on things to collect them instead of just working through a menu. Pass.

Minish Cap uses a few fairy tale tropes weaved into its story. There’s Zelda turning to stone, providing the catalyst for the entire game. At one point, Link will come across a narcoleptic shoe cobbler who, when asleep, has his shoes made by the Minish. Just like the The Elves and the Shoemaker.

– I always wondered, in any media where someone is turned to stone, if whenever a piece of them is accidentally chipped off, whether or not their flesh would be missing when they turned normal. I’m sure a bunch of Vaati’s beefers probably bumped Zelda into a few doorways when they hauled her granite ass off. It’s probably best to keep a doctor handy for when he changes back.

I have to say, Minish Cap is an amazing game. Disregard the fact that it only has six dungeons. That doesn’t matter! There’s so much shit to do you won’t even care. Don’t be like me and judge a game by the its back cover. It’s not often in a later Zelda game that I happily accomplish all the fetch quests and Kinstone nonsense just for the fun of it.

As Gene Shalit might’ve said, because he probably wasn’t working on a movie review at the time, “Don’t let the fact that it’s on a handheld de-Minish your enjoyment of Link’s newest adventure. Minish Cap is big time fun!